Day 10: Don't Look Back

“It’s easy to change ... but it is easier not to.” Tim Hansel

It seems to me that much of my malaise comes from inertia. When I am on a backpacking trip or a cycling adventure or even when I am attempting to focus my mind or my soul, I find that life has a different dynamic. It is when I allow nothingness to really be nothing that I discover how empty nothing can be. That is when I find my mind wanders down dark corridors and comes to rest in destructive places. That is when my addictions can get a foothold in the abyss and drag me in after them.

I remember reading an Eric From quote in a college sociology class that revealed my own experience so perfectly I never forgot it: “Life has an inner dynamism of its own; it tends to grow, to be expressed, to be lived. It seems that if that energy is thwarted the energy toward life undergoes a process of decomposition and changes into energy toward destruction.”

Life really can’t have a dull moment without the dullness dulling me! I realize I am either busy being born or busy dying. I can never just kick back and kill time without literally killing myself, for time is all I really have. I must have something to live toward ... an adventure or an idea. I want to use the time I have left better than I do. I want to live more toward the things I value, the things that make me feel most alive. To do that I know I need to change - to move toward life, not just wait for something to come knock on my door.

In part, The Journey of 1000 Days is a way of doing that, of being intentional about living the adventure. Honestly, I struggle with keeping up with that ideal. I have created for myself some habits that are contradictory to my values. I have been struggling to change. It is easier not to. It dawned on me that the days I really enjoy are the days when I am focused, looking toward the things that have energy and bring life.

It dawned on me that perhaps the story of Sodom and Gomorrah made more sense when taken as a reinforcement of what I have been learning. I have always struggled with the fate of Lot’s wife ... I mean really? Getting turned into a pillar of salt for merely looking back, while Lot offers his daughters as a sacrifice to the sex-starved mob at his door? And then gets drunk and sleeps with them? (Genesis 19 ... for mature audiences only!) To me, it now makes more sense as a metaphor on how, when fleeing from something destructive, you have to keep your eyes on something positive that is ahead of you. Looking back only allows your mind to focus on the destruction and then you are destroyed. Turning away from something destructive in my life only works if I have a goal that leads to growth and life otherwise I find myself turning away and then turning right back.

I find it much easier to change when I focus on positive things ahead rather than beat myself up over failures in my past. It is easier to change and keep the momentum moving in a positive direction when I am headed in a positive direction.

The Journey Continues ...

#Journeyof1000Days #TheJourney #Intentionality #Change